Well - how did I get here?

Andromeda is a princess from Greek mythology who, as divine punishment for her mother's bragging (the Boast of Cassiopeia), was chained to a rock as a sacrifice to a sea monster. She was saved from death by Perseus, her future husband. The traditional etymology of the name is "she who has bravery in her mind;" alternately, it could mean "she who leads."

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I have spent many years being brave, and just as many leading. Often I've been nominated as leader when I had no clear indication of where I was supposed to end up. These days I spend most of my time smiling at people encouragingly as they tell endless boring story after endless boring story. The only time people seem to want to hear what I'm thinking is when I parrot back (encouragingly) what they have already said to me. I find this less than fulfilling.

I was looking forward to having my family reach a level of autonomy that would let me get out and enjoy some personal growth, for a change. Up until last spring, I would have said I was well on track to that goal: I am well partnered, we have a nice house in the suburbs and three kids (aged 7, 9 and 17). Everything looked quite rosy indeed, and then I lost my job. I have been coasting from short-term contract to short-term contract since, and - because that wasn't stressful enough - I have just found out that I am pregnant again. I am not ready to have my third baby at age 42. In fact, I have never really been a baby person: I love kids, but babies? Not so much. There's all that heavy lifting. And all that poop. Oh God, the poop.

I don't know if I am brave enough to weather this latest storm. It will require a serious rethinking of my goals and aspirations - a serious rethinking of how I see myself in five, 10, or 20 years. Most of all, it will require a serious windfall of cash.

My partner and I have scarce had one cross word since we've been together, but that might change. He's out of town on business a lot, which means I'm likely signing on for yet another run as a de facto single parent.

Keep a good thought for me, friends, but please keep this information to yourselves. I'm not ready to share it with my world in general yet - particularly since I know that Cassiopoeia will throw a gear and Perseus will be hurt. Let the tragi-comedy begin.